Werte Fragen

Ich habe nächstes Jahr beruflich sehr anspruchsvolle Projekte. Wie lässt sich das Gleichgewicht zu Familie, Kinder und Gesundheit halten?

Peter Kensok: Mein Vorschlag: Lernen Sie zunächst zu verstehen, was der Unterschied zwischen Werten, Rollen und den Kriterien in den Rollen ist, in denen Sie Ihre Werte leben möchten. Das ist ein entscheidender Teil des Konzeptes zum Werte-Management, wie ich es unterrichte. Dabei geht es immer auch um das Gleichgewicht zwischen verschiedenen Rollen, die für einen wichtig sind.

In Ihrem Fall geht es mindestens um Rollen in den Bereichen Beruf, Familie und »Selbst«. Wie leben Sie Ihre Werte zum Beispiel als Geschäftsmann, als Ehepartner und Vater? Dass Sie Ihre Frage überhaupt stellen, ist ein möglicher Hinweis darauf, dass Verbindung, Liebe, Wachstum, Erfolg und Verantwortung Ihnen als Werte wichtig sind. Ihre Familie, das Unternehmen und Ihre Kinder sind Kriterien, die Sie dabei unterstützen, diese Werte in diesen Rollen zu leben. Ich nenne dies »Erfüllungskriterien«.

Erfüllungskriterien sind keine Werte an sich. Sie sind »Dinge« im Außen, die jedoch Emotionen bewirken, die Sie regelmäßig erfahren möchten. Damit sind sie Ihre eigentlichen Werte.

Was können Sie also aktiv tun, um Verbindung, Liebe und so weiter in Ihren privaten und beruflichen Rollen zu leben, obwohl Sie gerade bestimmte Schwerpunkte setzen müssen?

Daraus ergeben sich mögliche Handlungspläne. Besprechen Sie sich mindestens mit Ihrer Partnerin, wie Sie unter den aktuellen Umständen zur beiderseitigen Zufriedenheit Ihre Werte-Bedürfnisse befriedigen können.

Wie können Sie zum Beispiel trotz der beruflichen Umstände Ihrer Verantwortung den Kindern gegenüber gerecht werden? Was können Sie konkret tun, um sich beruflich und privat gleichermaßen erfolgreich zu fühlen? Und was, um in Ihren verschiedenen Rollen auch ausgeglichen und gesund zu bleiben?

Beachten Sie, dass eine Absprache mit Ihrer Lebenspartnerin ein Vertrag ist, der nur gemeinsam geändert werden kann! Sie werden sich kaum erfolgreich fühlen, wenn Sie im Beruf »alles« erreichen, aber jeden Morgen feststellen, dass Sie privat schon wieder gegen Ihren Wert Verbindlichkeit verstoßen haben, wenn Ihnen dieser wichtig sein sollte.

Wählen Sie deshalb Erfüllungskriterien in Ihren verschiedenen Rollen, die realistisch sind. Versprechen Sie niemandem - auch Ihren Kindern (!) - nichts, was Sie nicht auch halten können!

Ich bin in der Lage vieles zu tun, aber ich genieße es nicht wirklich. - Wie finde ich heraus, was mich beruflich befriedigt?

Peter Kensok: Das ist eine große Frage und könnte eine »Nachhilfe« 1:1 mit einem Coach erfordern. Fangen wir trotzdem so an: Sie können (!) bereits »vieles« tun. Das hört sich zumindest nach Leichtigkeit, vielleicht sogar »eleganter Leichtigkeit« an und ist ein Geschenk.

Falls Sie Ihre Dinge praktischer Weise sehr leicht und routiniert machen, können Sie ziemlich gelassen eine weitere Qualität hinzufügen: Coachen Sie sich selbst! Finden Sie heraus, was genau Sie vermissen, damit Sie Ihre Aufgabe genießen können und arbeiten Sie daran! Könnten Sie zum Beispiel Ihre Erfahrungen weitergeben und als Ausbilder Ihre Fähigkeiten vervielfachen?

Oder sind Sie bereits so weit, Ihr eigener Chef zu werden! Ist die Selbstständigkeit eine Herausforderung, Sie auf die nächste Stufe Ihrer persönlichen Entwicklung zu heben? Oder widerspricht sie Ihrem aktuellen Bedürfnis nach Sicherheit?

Die Orientierung auf »Menschen«, »Dinge« und »Informationen« sind sogenannte Metaprogramme. In unserem Seminar über Motivationsschlüssel lernen Sie weitere Metaprogramme kennen. Sie können dieses Konzept als zusätzliche Faktoren zur Motivationsanalyse und als Kriterien für zukünftige Aufgaben nutzen, die Ihnen entsprechen. Auch hier sollten Sie Entscheidungen treffen, um zukünftig so zu handeln, wie es Ihnen entspricht.

Selbstverständlich sollten Sie außerdem Ihre persönlichen Werte überprüfen, denn Werte liegen hierarchisch über den Metaprogrammen. Was auch immer es ist: Verbringen Sie Zeit mit dem, was Ihnen wichtig ist. Am Ende ist es Lebenszeit!

Irgendwann haben Sie sich für Ihre aktuelle Tätigkeit entschieden. Wahrscheinlich waren Sie sogar begeistert, Sie waren neugierg, liebten Ihre Aufgabe - dann aber nahm Ihre Begeisterung ab. Dass Sie dennoch daran festhielten, war ein »Kompromiss«. Es kann durchaus sein, dass dieser Kompromiss noch immer das kleinere Übel ist im Vergleich zu einem Ausstieg und einer beruflichen Neuorientierung.

In diesem Fall sollten Sie sich die folgenden Fragen stellen: Als Sie mit Ihrer aktuellen Aufgabe begannen, welchen Ihrer persönlichen Werte diente sie? Was haben Sie im positiven Sinn dabei empfunden? Was ist auf einem höheren Erfahrungsniveau noch immer möglich, um dieselben Gefühle in der heutigen Aufgabe (wieder) zu erleben?

Vielleicht haben Sie sich seit damals, also seit Ihrem Eintritt in dem Unternehmen, weiterentwickelt. Sie sind heute Manager oder Leiter der Abteilung. Ihre Routinen sind »heute« anders als »damals«. Wäre es eine neue Herausforderung für Sie, Ihren Kollegen und den Neulingen in der Abteilung großzügig Dinge zu vermitteln, die auch Ihnen einmal wichtig waren und nach denen Sie sich nach wie vor sehnen?

Erfahrungen zu teilen ist immer »die nächst höhere Ebene« - und sehr erfüllend, weil das Ergebnis Sie selbst überdauert! Das gilt für den beruflichen Bereich ebenso wie für alles andere.

Sollten Sie sich beruflich mit Ihren Wertebedürfnissen umständehalber nicht durchsetzen können, verlagern Sie Ihre Bedürfnis-Befriedigung auf andere Bereiche! Finden Sie Kriterien für die Erfüllung Ihrer Werte im Umgang mit Ihren Freunden oder der Familie, schließen Sie sich einem Sportverein an, oder buchen Sie eine Weiterbildungsmaßnahme, in der Sie sich verwirklichen können. Dies ist Teil Ihrer ganz persönlichen Work-Life-Balance, den Sie kontrollieren können!

Für alles anderere gilt, »Change it!«, »Love it!«, »Leave it!«: Ändern, annehmen - oder abhaken! Werte und Metaprogramme sind Motivationsschlüssel zu einem Leben, das Sie als erfolgeich empfinden und das Ihnen entspricht. Erinnern Sie sich stets daran, dass Sie nicht nur Ihre (berufliche) Aufgabe sind!

How do I define my own values, and how does it help me to enjoy my life again?

Peter Kensok: First of all you already did a good start: You are aware that values are important for a successful life and linked to emotions like happiness and joy. In our seminar we clarify why those emotions already are values. Understanding this will ease the access to a system that we named the Art of Organizing Values for a Successful Life. We call something an art that is easy, clarifying and supportive, and that is what your daily life should be as best as possible.

The good news is: to find out your values you need no academic background. You start with asking questions what you already like in your life. Be as specific as possible. If you like dogs, it makes a difference if you own a tiny pet dog or an American Staffordshire Terrier. You will definitely meet different people walking them out in the park. If you like travelling climbing hills in the Himalayan is different to a party boat at the Turkish Riviera. Your job at the airport Moscow-Domodedovo will probably be different to the same job at Novosibirsk-Sewerny, as it serves different values. The same with reading crime stories or love stories.

Of course there are also things you don't like and that are offending the values behind the positive examples you listed before.

From these criteria you derive the values. Values are linked to emotions if not only emotions! If you know the emotions that you want to experience consistently every single day in your private, professional and personal areas, you are close to an action plan not only for a work-life-balance but also aiming at a successful life.

You might find out, that money and income is not the only »currency« or indicator to feel successful. Causing a smile on a small child that heart braking cried a minute ago, will serve the same purpose – with a much easier access.

The Art of Organizing Values has a certain structure following the principle: Find out where you are. Decide where to go. Act according to the plan that will lead you there.

If I understand your question correctly you enjoyed your life before. Yet you somehow lost the connection to what really matters to you. The good news is, that you still remember on a emotional level, what belongs to »enjoying your life«.

May be you grew up and changed your short trousers as a childhood boy against the office suit. I am quite sure that the feeling of joy you talked about has been »installed« in your early years. Right know you need to focus on new criteria that will activate the same feeling in a adult way.

I want to finish with another good news: Enjoying your life and living according to your values is not an proactive procedure. It does not happen just like that: You have to do it! And you have to be aware about doing it! Would it not be sad, that you are already happy and just not know about it?

How to convert values into business?

Peter Kensok: This could mean for instance:

How can I live my personal values in an existing business environment?

How can I establish team values for my department or my enterprise?

Each of these questions could take long periods of coaching, training and practice. The first step always is to find out what exactly your values or the values of your team are. You need to know what you want to experience on a daily base.

In our workshops of the Art of Organizing Values for a Successful Life you will learn the strategy how to derive starting with things you like or that already work in your business. You will also brainstorm what annoys you and what is not yet perfect in your business. From these expressions you go for the values.

Being clear about the values you check for resources that need no prior attention. And you look for areas that need attention or immediate action. You can check up your value development with the help of excel-sheets.

If the result of your value project should be accepted by the whole team, make sure the hole team is involved in it. Take care that the process is directed by a »neutral« person – external trainer or a team member respected by all of the people involved. If just the top executives present their values, they might be rejected.

If this analysis leads to clear results shared by all, you go back to new criteria to serve these values.

What can you do for the sake of value »x«? As values are emotions you can also ask: What is necessary to do to feel this »x«-way? The office clerk might have different answers to this than the employee in the canteen, the executive of the car park or the chief accountant. Yet according to the values each of them can contribute to the values of the team and the business.

These actions should be part of your business plan. They should be written down and they should be communicated to the people involved. They should also be checked up after a while, my be refined and exchanged by new projects if this one is finished.

For the transfer or conversion to the clients. You will get only those clients, that fit to your values.

Whether your are aware of your values or not makes no difference: You always express your values according to your environment, actions and competence. Yet if you set up your business according to your values in purpose, it is like polishing an ugly looking stone – and presenting the diamond. You will be more aware about your preciousness. And you will make it more easy for your clients to enjoy you: They will feel attracted.

The other way round would be to ask the clients what they need and what emotions they want to experience on a regular base – and just serving them. Marketing companies do so, and sometimes they sell something by all means that even they themselves are not really convinced about.

In the short run you make a lot of money. In the long run customers will stay away as the system is lacking »honesty« or »authenticity«. Generally the fluctuation among the employees in these cases is high: even they do not trust the company!

Do you see any interconnections between people's gender, age and their core values?

Peter Kensok: If you discuss this question on the value level, I would say no. There are no male or female values. In English it is very clear, German is more difficult. (male) »der« Erfolg (English: the success) or (female) »die« Liebe (English: the love). I am sorry that I do not know the Russian words, but I guess the following will be the same.

Values in the Art of Organizing Values for a Successful Life are emotions! Emotions according to my experience as a human being and as a coach are neither female nor male but neutral.

Your focus on emotions that you want to experience on a regular base – like every single day or every week – is very individual. The value you focus on has nothing to do with your gender but with your experiences of your first years. If you »learned« success, love, joy, fun, you will search for it all your life.

Yet a five year old boy or girl will feel successful by having learned to ride a bike, a teenager (male or female) might feel successful by passing the exams. A grown up might feel the same by arranging the next contract or organizing a private celebration. And a old man or a old woman might feel successful if they managed to get out their bed without assistance in the morning.

So if your question aims at gender, age and value, I would say no.

If your target is the criteria that serve these values according to gender and age I would say, yes, that is possible.

We have two children, and I tried my very best to breast feed them – and it did not work for obvious reasons! So my care for my offspring needed actions different to those my wife was capable of.

My challenge stopped when we started to feed the bottle. By the way there is no reason why men can not do that or change the diapers.

Which values belongs to higher level of awareness?

Peter Kensok: This is very philosophical. Yet I like the challenge.

The Bible says that there are three top values: Believe (Spirituality), Love and Hope, yet love is the most important (1.Kor 13,13).

The American trainer Tony Robbins says, there are Six Human Needs (that I, Peter Kensok, call values for the reasons that you already learned or will learn in the Art of Organizing Values for a Successful Life emotions). These human needs are Love, Appreciation, Security, Variety, Growth and Contribution.

Here is my personal answer to your question: You can live all values on levels of higher awareness!

Take the bible values, the Six Human needs or any of your personal top ten values. You can live all these in very basic roles like brother, sister, father, mother, carpenter, business man or business women.

You can also live these values in your meditation sessions as a monk in a monastery somewhere in the forests or as a fakir at the shore of the river Ganges. The only difference are the criteria that induce the emotions you link to these values. If you are aware about this, this might be one step further to higher awareness.

How to define my values?

Peter Kensok: This is one of the most important steps of the Art of Organizing Values for a Successful Life, and you will learn it in the seminars about motivational keys.

To summarize the process:

First brainstorm what you like – and be precise: If you like cooking it makes a difference if you do your single dish or prepare a buffet for a wedding.

Second brainstorm what you are annoyed about – and be precise as well. »Dirt in the road« can be empty bottles, dog shit that you stepped in, as well as garbage containers that have not been emptied because of public service strikes.

Third ask about the items in the first step: What are they good for in the sense of what emotions do they attract? The answers will be the base of your value list.

Fourth ask about the items in the second step: What values do they attack? Or do we have to extend the previous list?

The final list of values can be reduced to an acceptable list that you like to work with. 10 values is a good number.

How to find my main Role? Can values help me to find my real self?

Peter Kensok: I begin with the second question: Yes! If you already know the »Pyramid: Levels of Intervention« by Robert Dilts you remember that it starts with the environment at the bottom. In this environment you act according to abilities that you believe in. These believes match your values that are part of your identity as longs as you live them best in all your roles. And there is a vision or mission on top, something that is more than just yourself.

If you decide for a »main role« and live this as the one and only, you will sooner than later be bored.

Your identity is definitely more than one main role. At least you are always »I« and for instance »son« or »daughter«. You always have private and professional roles. In the Art of Organizing Values for a Successful Life I insist that my clients go for ten roles (!), because most of them have been completely out of balance if they focus on just private or just business roles. This is valid for singles as well as for family people.

Yet it might be, that circumstances force you to spend more time in your business and to neglect your family. Here these circumstances should be communicated in the family. At the end should have a kind of contract that all of the people involved agree to. After that this agreement should be a law for you as a »family person« - the same way as a business contract. Otherwise your family will not trust you any longer.

»But I am a top manager in my business and make a lot of money for my family ...« - A real top manager answered to this complaint of a colleague: »I do not want you to be responsible for our plant with 20.000 employees if you can't even organize your weekend with your family.«

If with the help of tools like the Art of Organizing Values for a Successful Life you find out your »green« roles, I would appreciate that you enjoy them as resources. They are fine anyway. And they might be the pool that you enjoy like a fish the water.

Because of these resources you should have spare energy to work on your development areas as well. May be you even can transfer strategies by modelling a »green« role to improve a »red« one.

How to live in harmony with other people needs?

Peter Kensok: I answer this question together with this one: Where people's needs live and how to feed them?

Somehow this continues the questions before: How to understand what my wife, relatives and colleagues want?
If there is no exchange about what everybody involved really needs you lack the base for harmony. It is »you« and »them« to live together!
Second even if you share needs, the way to express them might be different. You and Them might want entertainment. You express entertainment by reading a book in a quiet room. Them wants party in the next room seven days a week. And it is the same flat! –
This does not work in the long run unless you are deaf or have plugs in your ears all the time.
So you have to compromise, find external solutions or separate. Mostly compromise is fine if there is trust in the relationship. You can enjoy the cinema while your partner is in the theater. If your colleague is a good negotiator and you are excellent in accountancy you can serve the same entrepreneurial success as long as you respect your mutual contribution.
That is why I think tips in a restaurant should be shared by all involved: the waiter and the cook who never shows up. The room service and the receptionist in a hotel.

How to understand what my wife, relatives and colleagues want?

Peter kensok: Did you already think about asking them? And what about telling them your own needs and wants yourself?
This question is always a hint for a lack of reciprocity and trust. If somebody gets all the information from you he will have a lot of power to influence you and make you »buy« things you don't want – at least not this very moment.
That is why people are very annoyed about marketing, Google strategies, being spied out via Facebook and other social media: Big brother knows everything about you, but you do not even know what he is doing with all the information.
So start with sharing ideas, ask and tell about emotions (values) that are involved. Then check what you can do by yourself to feed your own and their emotions and values and what they can do on the other hand to serve their own emotions and values and yours.

How to find people with value similar to my own?

Peter Kensok: This is a live long task of daily practice. First of all you should start with the one person you can never avoid: yourself. You can check your values according to the system that we call the Art of Organizing Values for a Successful Life. And you definitely need to be aware about people's feedback. Why and how are they acting the way they do towards you? Just learn to perceive these information without trapping yourself in defending yourself. Feedback is a present. You accept it, think about it and adjust your behavior according to your action plans. Then check about the results and recheck after a while.

My advise is, to do this in a written form, at least once in a week at a certain time that you might name your personal Hour of Power.

Second use what I said before to check your rapport with people. Are there people who share your values and interests? Open your Value Ear for people who share your interests for the same emotional (value) purpose. Look out for sameness: for people that talk and move the way you talk and move, dress the way you dress or visit the same exhibitions, meetings and seminars ...

Third you should transfer your experience with the first and second step to people that are less »same« to you. You don't need to love them from the first sight, but start with being interested in them. They could be very inspiring for you – and you for them. May be on this level you might find sameness again.

Fourth: Accept that you do not need good relationship to everybody! Sometimes this is hard to stand, but for many it is best to be in a state of mutual respect. Others deserve to be off your priority list. You might learn later that because of that (!) they become curious about you – and you can start this list from the beginning to establish your relationship.

How to recharge for action?

Dear Peter, what can I do to recharge myself for action? I feel like moving in a circle. I have no inspiration from my work, but I am scared of change, because the present job is my only source of revenues. I understand, I need to go out of here, but how?

Peter Kensok: Part of what you say looks like part of the solution. Moving in a circle should inspire you to get out of it. Do something that you did not do for a long time: Small changes might lead to bigger ones!

Rearrange the furniture in your flat for instance. One of my client bought new chairs and a table for more people to sit arround than at her previous one. She startet to invite people for dinner, got new ideas – and changed to another job.

Change routines always is a good way out of a circle. You can do that once at least any day at the beginnung and – like in a gym – train your »change muscle«! Eat something that you never ate before. Go to a restaurant that serves dishes you never thought about – may be served in complete darkness by blind attendents. Get inspired by the latest coiffeur in town or just walk faster – or slower – than usual.

These small changes will add up to the point where you no longer fear change as such. Be aware that moving to a different environment might also change your social environment. If friends are counfused about it, others will be there instead.

Fear of change might have deep routed reasons that should be dealt with for instance in a coaching. Some clients found out that there was a kind of unconscious »family law« that prenvents change, e.g.: »For generations we were farmers. How dare you to become an academic or entrepreneur?« There are means to get over that as well. Training your »change muscle« might be a start. Things do not necessarily stay the way they do!

Besides environmental factors motivation is as well linked to criteria like identity and values. In our trainings in St. Petersburg and Moscow our participants had admirable breakthroughs. They got access to new dimensions and became courageous to change – or settle down in a peaceful way. Some recognized that they where the right person at the right place and that they already lived to the max according to their values.

To summarize: Go for the »change muscle«-training first. Start with small steps instead of doing the heavy weights. Second: Join an »art of unleashing the power of values« class and be inspired by people that are facing change as well. If you are still blocked after that, be supported by a coach. In our August training I am expecting coaches who should be able to accompany your personal change process in your neighbourhood.

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